Now

And just when I thought it was over, the long wait and suspense to finally be able to commit myself to someone and be done with what seemed like a lifelong search for that ‘one’ had come to an end; his words ran through my chest and mind like a freight train derailed in the cold dark night. Penetrating my soul and piercing the very core that was left shining. That which gave me the last glimmer of hope that kept me in the fight had left me.

This time I did not fall. I took his words that landed on my ears like a boxer’s blow to the side of my head, ringing and echoing, as they left his mouth. The face of every man that had ever rejected me flashed before my eyes exhausting my vision, rendering me blind in a fiery fury that set fire to the gunpowder trail that lead to the stack of ammunition I stored at the base of my mind. I choked on the smoke his words left in the air as I reached out for reality and all composure that was fleeting my being. Losing all sense of self regulation that locked my knees in position to keep my balance, I clammered to keep hold of reality.

In the moment I thought I’d lose all control and lash out causing a scene, however I kept my composure though inside I was raging. I surrendered to his pleasure as tears rolled down the cheeks of my soul and out my eyes. What could be hot and everlasting became cold and temporary. I shifted my heart to deep freezer to not feel the pain of the piercing destiny I am about to face. Submitting to a pleasure that is far from what I desire. I send myself to the future to comfort me as I regret my decisions, it makes it easier to bare.

When we are done I burn him with the fire that is blazing inside of me, the fire he started. The fire that is filled with pain and pleasure built up for a lifetime. I want him to be the last but he became the first. The first to feel the explosion of a billion tears that have become shards and they fell icy in my frozen heart.

I see the cuts from the blast across his face, as they ricochet back to the ground between us building a wall. The wall that melted when I saw our potential. Potential is gone and I take it for what it is right now. There is no longer a future to predict, no horoscope to advise, not even a dream to foretell. Only now.

Afaf “Ariashalaara” M.

What Is This?!

I guess since big pharma will be losing money because marijuana legalization
they gonna be forcing immunization.

Death or decriminalization?

Either way we’re gonna have a battle.
Our babies held down while doc pierces their flesh with a needle
Life gone before they can even hold a rattle.

Opiods or seizures?
Seizures take fathers away. Away to the House of the Rising Sun.
Sons left to be men before it is their time.
Time consumed as we count the days to when we
will
be
free
Give us us Free!

Free for a price
They’ll accept your life
Or a bail
If you’re in jail
Jail, the place for incarceration
Concentration or incarceration?
Focus on the dollar over the education
They got hungry mouths to feed
And a family or dream vacation
Vacation from the ones who stay on the reservation
The project
Projects that lead to the loss of identification so we don’t recognize
Mass
Incarceration

Incarceration or a watered down education?
Community schools and waisted dedication
Teachers frustrated
I guess they were miseducated
Miseducated some forget where they come from
Forgot what they needed
Before they succeeded and tried their best not to be that bum

That bum that sat in class and smoked weed or got drunk
Or that little girl that was scared of the dark so pisses the bed and her clothes stunk

His or her story repeating its self
Repeating its self
Repeating
Its
Self

Self discipline or corporal punishment?

Police officers become street judges
False accusation misidentification
Repeat offenders or victims of grudges?

Grudges or prey?
Prey to the delusional patient misdiagnosed and suffers Fregoli Delusion
Look it up and draw your own conclusion
Gunshots interfere with due process
Shall I digress

Digression has gotten us nowhere but oppressed
Overworked
Miseducated
And over stressed

Locks or keys?
When will it be time to shake the rusty golden scarab from your thoughts and your deeds?
Let me create a locksmith and we’ll forge you some new keys

Keys to the cells that hold our god molecule
The ones in our mind’s vestibule

Just beyond the doors that are shut in the faces of the determined
Turned down so much that now they turn up the burboun
Feeding the Beast that’s held within
Trampling new ideas with diamond encrusted cages drawn by the four horsemen

Death’s at the door knocking with it’s boney hand
And the stench is coming from the witness stand

Stand as a silent witness to the demise of our brothers and sisters
As they create new brothers and new sisters

Selective breeding or trans dis-figuration?
Hidden uh genders born in corpses forming a lost generation

Found in the institutions that resemble the mental asylums
General education merged with the IEP
Inclusion of those with bad behavior with those having natural disability

Classrooms become cells and rubber rooms
While little kids fill the family tombs
Grandmas and grandpas living longer than their whole family
This is what mass incarceration looks like to me

Prison planet, prison state how’d you get that meal on your plate
You don’t deserve any praise
You’ll never be great, anyways

As we stumble through the food deserts and smoke pipes in their dreams
We still stand strong cause it ain’t over till the fat lady sings

Starvation or revolution?

The negro, the slave, the savage, the patty, the jew,
Their racial slurs that look like me and look like you

Gated communities or infirmaries?

Concentrated housing providing shelter
One on top of the other creating helter skelter

Crammed in like they said it was on the slave ship
Well I never was a slave and I’m not trying to hear that shit
Ghost ships guided by the flying Dutchman
Packed with the lies of a false identification

Boys and girls missing
They in the hallway
Where the addicted are pissing

Freedom or death?

Eyes wide shut to the truth of the golden rule
Fight the power with your pen is what they taught us in school
Lessons missed as we scratch for survival
It is only when we elevate that we’ll have our revival

Letting Go

As the pain wells in the center of my chest
I scribble the symbols that express my emotion on the lines of the Universe’s book of all time

Interchanging the sniffles and eye rubs for hot beers and tree drugs

Setting in my sentiments and grinding on the past
Never once thinking that this too shall pass

It feels like an eternity, I’ve been reaching for you, dreaming of you, thinking of you and believing in you

I sought you in God’s house and at the devil’s parties
Only traces of your presence lingers where you once were

I sit in the seat that was once your throne
Gazing out over the crowds to gain your knowledge to things unknown

Pieces of life old and new create scenes that are painted in water colors now stained with tears
I hold tight to a future that has no room for fears
Only happiness and joy as I dance wildly in the devil’s arms
His embrace is so tight, much tighter than yours
My nakedness is unbearable to those who will never comprehend why I’m banging down doors.

I’m looking for you
I’m shouting your name
I’m wearing the potions and loving in vain

You do not hear my cries because you do not believe that I do
I could never be the one so dirty, so blue

If you knew who I am
You would love me for sure
You would come and heal my sickness
Your love is the cure

In dreams I have loved you a thousand times
You will never know until you listen to my rhymes

I sit in a somber state
Eating from my sinners plate
Scarfing down ideas that will attract you to my path
When I get close I only get your wrath

Destruction Of A Liberated Race

We have become so liberated to the point that we are enslaved to our liberated thoughts.

The destruction of our being confused with freedom of choice. Education lost to the wars on life. Secrets kept to be borne on the graves of the unborn. Life snatched before it is a thought. Proof that many women believe you only deserve to live if your conception is planned sends shocks through the airways. The living remain silent for the fear of being hunted and torn down by scowling women that give birth to their children but don’t think you should have yours.

Education left in the background,schools shutting down, what’s the point of fighting for them when there will be no children to sit in them?

Destruction Of A Liberated Race
My words.
Afaf “Ariashalaara” Muhammad kik

I crawled out of my shell and stood boldly before the crowd as they threw roses and stones. Bruised and bleeding I sunk back under my rock. The calluses formed and my shell grew thick. My voice is now a shrill alarm.

I arose from the grave that was once my berth and stand here again dripping with sin.
I go against your norm and stand up for reform.
I will not be tweaked into a zombie for death. My being wreaks life so much that it destroys like a invasive vine, choking the ideas of the madmen and women.

Like a Unicorn, I am rare. Incapable of capture. My dragons are summoned to serve as reminders, to keep me focused.
Cries of the babe fall upon my ears as music to my march.

My strength is gathered from the pools of the tears of the victims of the miseducated. I drink deeply from their wells. Energizing my spirit to beckon to their will.

Cry sweet freedom, justice, and tranquility. Your tears are salted with the dust of the innocent. Bodies slain before life is given as those that were given a chance stand behind their murderers.

Martyrs are you as the arguments continue on floors walked by those that listen with their eyes, and all they see are dollars signs.

Poverty stricken across lands where you would have grown. Your parents taught to believe that you should not live because they do not desrve you because they do not have material wealth, So they disregard their creator’s decree to be fruitful and multiply.

The birth of a nation, a nation of fear. Fear of life and expectations of the end before the middle is even dreamed.

Foster the people,they believe not in your life. The walking dead stagger on their way to mental institutes disguised as school houses through the angel dust clouds that boarder the food deserts.
Empty bellies, empty minds fill them with remnants of the hope left behind by the leaders that left this planet in the same manner some believe should have been their fate before they were even conceived.

Mutilation, an after affect of mental anguish endured by those that are sent here by a force greater than any of us, by the ones who hunt all life on all levels. The scorned taking charge of the decisions of the scorned. Vision lost as life is degraded amongst animals and mankind alike.

How far will we go? Can we begin to implement your outlook on life beginning with you?

Islam Means Peace

Bism Allah Alrahmin Alrahim
Authu Bikh

In the name of God the Beneficent the Merciful
I seek refuge in you

WE seek refuge in you from those who find us different because of our language

WE seek refuge in you from those who see us as a threat because of our names

WE seek refuge in you from those who oppress

WE seek refuge in you from those who fear us because of the way we dress

because of the way we praise you

because they believe our lifestyle is a sin

because they cannot comprehend that we walk in confidence

because we hold you dear within

WE seek refuge in you Oh Mighty Creator!!

WE seek refuge in you from those who believe that we do no deserve to live the

physical life that YOU, Oh Mighty Creator have found us worthy of living

As we stand here in this Journal Square the significance is profound

Square representing the physical and the many directions from which our

ancestors have traveled

North East South West

NorthEast SouthWest

We stand here together and we past their test

West South North East

West South North East

When we unite in your direction

We regain our peace

A Journal is where one documents events that effected their lives in order to

look back and reflect to compare their self to see how or if they have improved

Oh Dear Creator,

I ask that when the United States looks back on their journals that they are moved

Moved in a direction that opens their eyes

So they can see the results of their deeds

Children Slain and parents on their knees

Moved in a direction that opens their minds so they can see the nightmares that

have become the American dream

Immigrant babies shout racial slurs and those that implanted it sit back

crossed-armed spinning their spurs

Move All of us Dear Creator of all things good to be reminded that all of our

hearts beat the same rhythm of your life

Fill these lands oh Creator with your energy that carries us to be our higher

selves to do the work of your word so that we may enter into your presence and

be as you set us forth to be

Creators of Peace, justice, health and wisdom

Wisdom that will guide us to fight this war that has been declared on us

with intelligence and unity to benefit ALL

We ask Dear Creator to guide our Energy of strength and protection over our

brothers and sister that are for Justice, Freedom, and your peace

So it is.

Secret

I summoned my Shaman to help me forget you

I took a trip with Alice to a Wonderland to show me who you are and all I found was who you are not

I asked the Ancients of Days and the Keepers of Time to reveal me my truth
and all I found were my lies

I’ll sit under the moon and believe I’m a Wolf
When all I am is a Coyote

I look to my spirit guide and she’s a pecker of wood
And suddenly all my life is overstood

I will sit with Kings, gain knowledge from the Sages, plan with with Queens and protest my rages
Cry for my people that are locked in cages
Dream that my songs will be heard throughout the ages
Ground myself in meditation
Drown myself in medication
Fill my head with the dead’s education
And I will still be me.
Your secret. Is safe with me.

Mother

You gave me life so that I may continue the extension of my father’s lineage. Yet father flees when he gets the news and leaves you on your knees

On your knees begging for a way to survive a way to keep me alive so that I may thrive and be more

More than what he is. More than what you think you are and more of what society needs

Society needs me to be strong and carry the weight of my mom so she can be safe from harm so she can be safe from harm so that she can be safe.from. harm.

Safe from the harm that she may cause herself, safe from the harm that others may cause as they seek to take her wealth, safe from the food that might poison her health, safe from the men that may poison her. health

Health is the root of all our survival. Mother knew that upon my arrival. Her struggle to keep me safe. To keep me in a healthy space.

Space between mother and father has brought me to my knees. I’m begging and pleading so I can create that same safe my mother created for me.

For me she gave her life.
She gave her life to her job.
She gave her life to her friends.
She gave her life to her men
She gave her life to her end

Her end was with me. With me was her end. Not a friend, not a boss, not even one of those men. I was with her in the end.

I sat on the edge of my bed as you walked in my room. My back towards you the whole time you approached me. I anticipated your touch and breathed in your scent as I took in my last breath.

With each step I imagined your embrace and calculated each kiss. How I will receive you was the thought that exploded as the tips of your fingers grazed my aura entering my space as I began to die another death.

A. “Ariashalaara” M.

Slumber

My entrance was grand
They couldn’t wait for my arrival
I almost didn’t make it
Life suffocating as I slip through the gateway to a realm that beholds my final ascension and all that is between.

Bright lights smiling faces and
I
Have
Arrived

Happy moment
My existence so important that it’s documented in State books and in the minds of anyone that may come to care for me

If there is ever to be one

Surrounded yet alone
Heart pounds yet its frozen
Emotions raging yet I’m silent

Taken advantage of
Left by the sidelines
Tricked by the predators
Loved by the distant

Torn
Is
My
Heart

Never to know my descendants

Only left to long for a place that is peaceful and away from all malignance

I visit the place that we all shall in the end

I look down the road
I think I’ve found a friend