Letting Go

As the pain wells in the center of my chest
I scribble the symbols that express my emotion on the lines of the Universe’s book of all time

Interchanging the sniffles and eye rubs for hot beers and tree drugs

Setting in my sentiments and grinding on the past
Never once thinking that this too shall pass

It feels like an eternity, I’ve been reaching for you, dreaming of you, thinking of you and believing in you

I sought you in God’s house and at the devil’s parties
Only traces of your presence lingers where you once were

I sit in the seat that was once your throne
Gazing out over the crowds to gain your knowledge to things unknown

Pieces of life old and new create scenes that are painted in water colors now stained with tears
I hold tight to a future that has no room for fears
Only happiness and joy as I dance wildly in the devil’s arms
His embrace is so tight, much tighter than yours
My nakedness is unbearable to those who will never comprehend why I’m banging down doors.

I’m looking for you
I’m shouting your name
I’m wearing the potions and loving in vain

You do not hear my cries because you do not believe that I do
I could never be the one so dirty, so blue

If you knew who I am
You would love me for sure
You would come and heal my sickness
Your love is the cure

In dreams I have loved you a thousand times
You will never know until you listen to my rhymes

I sit in a somber state
Eating from my sinners plate
Scarfing down ideas that will attract you to my path
When I get close I only get your wrath

I crawled out of my shell and stood boldly before the crowd as they threw roses and stones. Bruised and bleeding I sunk back under my rock. The calluses formed and my shell grew thick. My voice is now a shrill alarm.

I arose from the grave that was once my berth and stand here again dripping with sin.
I go against your norm and stand up for reform.
I will not be tweaked into a zombie for death. My being wreaks life so much that it destroys like a invasive vine, choking the ideas of the madmen and women.

Like a Unicorn, I am rare. Incapable of capture. My dragons are summoned to serve as reminders, to keep me focused.
Cries of the babe fall upon my ears as music to my march.

My strength is gathered from the pools of the tears of the victims of the miseducated. I drink deeply from their wells. Energizing my spirit to beckon to their will.

Cry sweet freedom, justice, and tranquility. Your tears are salted with the dust of the innocent. Bodies slain before life is given as those that were given a chance stand behind their murderers.

Martyrs are you as the arguments continue on floors walked by those that listen with their eyes, and all they see are dollars signs.

Poverty stricken across lands where you would have grown. Your parents taught to believe that you should not live because they do not desrve you because they do not have material wealth, So they disregard their creator’s decree to be fruitful and multiply.

The birth of a nation, a nation of fear. Fear of life and expectations of the end before the middle is even dreamed.

Foster the people,they believe not in your life. The walking dead stagger on their way to mental institutes disguised as school houses through the angel dust clouds that boarder the food deserts.
Empty bellies, empty minds fill them with remnants of the hope left behind by the leaders that left this planet in the same manner some believe should have been their fate before they were even conceived.

Mutilation, an after affect of mental anguish endured by those that are sent here by a force greater than any of us, by the ones who hunt all life on all levels. The scorned taking charge of the decisions of the scorned. Vision lost as life is degraded amongst animals and mankind alike.

How far will we go? Can we begin to implement your outlook on life beginning with you?

Parental Dysphoria

There are some events we have to allow to happen. Although we may want to intervene in order to maintain control over situations that involve us in a distant manner, we have to learn to let go even when we know they are not beneficial to the individual involved. As a teacher of truth and enlightenment I have to step back even from my own creation in order for the universe to continue. Though I would rather have my way and see the best for not just my own but also for other children of all ages. Initially, there will always be a resistance because the lies are easier to embrace than what is true and natural. Some rather hide from their truth and drown themselves in the miseries that arise from poor choice.
Even as I have to allow others to be themselves I find it hard when their self is a lie. When their self is destructive to the rest of us. When their self will cause us to be set back because of their refusal to be enlightened and live in accordance to nature and help others to be their highest self.

As parents and caregivers many of us may have ideas and perceptions of what would be ideal for our children.  However, the reality is sometimes those hopes and ideals are very different from what  our children have in mind for themselves. Are we supposed to let our children be sucked in by the things that will destroy them? Are we to just sit back and not do anything or say anything as we see our child slip into the abyss of dangers that have no mercy on anyone for the sake of them learning a lesson?

I wrote this in question as to what are we to do as parents and caregivers of the youth.  How do we draw the lines between guidance and control , as a guardian, without losing control of ourselves?

 

By A. “Ariashalaara” M.

My Petroleum Experience

For many years I’ve used hair grease on my daughters’, and my own, hair; and even on our bodies as a form of moisturizer.  I actually like the results of using petroleum jelly, it makes my skin clear and smooth, plus my skin looks radiant in the sun.

The whole purpose of me putting the grease or petroleum jelly on our hair and scalp was to moisturize and keep flakes of dandruff from forming.

Boy was I wrong.

One of my daughters always has had really bad dandruff and seasonal eczema. This past winter my daughter went through her yearly eczema episode of scaly dry skin that needs extra care during those cold dry months.  I usually use a hydrocortisone cream from her doctor, along with shea or cocoa butter, which clears it up no problem. But this year I decided I wanted to try something new.

What did I use? Aquaphor. No, this is not about bashing this particular company or brand, at all, but to bring awareness to an ingredient in their product. Petroleum.

So, I put the ointment on the areas that were inflamed and scaly. Days go by and I notice no improvement and the areas started to become bumpy and oozed clear liquid. I brought her to the doctor, and she was prescribed her usual hydrocortisone cream and immediately, next day, her skin was on the road to recovery. I have now learned to use the term ‘if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it’.

I’m not done, there’s more.

Remember the dandruff I mentioned earlier? Well, its always been really bad. I mean to the point that the flakes would be seen in her hair and her scalp would , at times, look white and dry, and it would itch like crazy especially if she got nervous or tired. I would try to remedy her itchy flaky scalp by applying hair grease. The more it itched the more I put. I have ruined many pillow cases trying to relieve my little girl’s scalp. My favorite was Blue Magic; I used every variety trying to find which would work best. I even tried their Indian Hemp, but her hair still would be flaky and itchy.

After our Aquaphor experience, I put two and two together.

My daughter is allergic to petroleum.

I immediately stopped using the grease and the dandruff subsided. No itching, no flaking, and it stayed this way for three days.

***Update: since June 1, 2015 when I originally started to compose this blog, my daughter’s dandruff and itching has not returned. I have been using virgin or organic coconut oil which works very well on her hair and scalp.***

These two incidents prompted me share this story, just in case there are other African American women,and men, who use petroleum based products and may experience the same symptoms.

Although petroleum allergies are not specific to any one race, I think, African Americans (like myself), because of the use of hair grease, may be experiencing symptoms on a larger scale than most people.

I always thought I was doing myself some good by slathering petroleum all over my body. What I was actually doing was coating my skin and not allowing my skin to breathe. I think my skin was soft because of the trapped sweat that would never make it through the petroleum. So, I think, the petroleum was like plastic wrap, leaving a nice soft skin after it’s washed away.

I think that’s a benefit, however, long term use of petroleum, or continuing to use petroleum not knowing one may have an allergy can be hazardous to one’s health.

Petroleum is in almost everything we use. From our hair care products to the containers that hold our foods. Although this may be hard to avoid, it is better to know the potential hazards and symptoms to be able to recognize why one may be experiencing discomfort from certain products, to be able to avoid them.

Knowledge is power.